Stacey Harris, The DISC and EQ Assessment
Jessica Honegger [00:00:03] Hey, there, welcome to Going Scared. I'm Jessica Honegger, founder of the world changing brand Noonday Collection, and I am so glad to have you here for today's conversation. Our Going Scared community gathers here every week for direct and honest conversations that help you live a life of courage by leaving comfort and going scared. All right, we are deep into our Know Thyself series, and this series is your step-by-step guide to discover how to get to know yourself and in turn, how to hold space better for others. And right now, it's the holidays. Things are still a little intense. Conversations around the Turkey table can be a little bit tough. Now, more than ever, we need to learn to know ourselves. What are those triggers in us? What are those things about us that we can be aware of so we can do a better job of creating space for others? I'm really excited about today's show because it's super practical. I have on with us today, Stacey Harris. She has more than 29 years of experience in helping organizations and individuals use assessments. And specifically, today we're talking about the DiSC assessment and the E.Q. Emotional Intelligence Assessment to grow in self-awareness. Stacey has worked with Fortune 500 corporations and companies like Noonday to help people learn the behavioral skills and emotional intelligence skills needed to communicate more effectively. I've known Stacey for many years. We have had her come to Noonday conferences to help deliver some of this content, and some of her favorite moments are to see the looks on people's faces when breakthrough invites a greater understanding of how they're wired, a shift that can successfully affect every area of their lives. I'm hoping you may have a breakthrough moment today. Stay with us all the way until the end to find out how to get a link to two free assessments thanks to Stacey. All right. Let's dive in. Stacey, thank you so much for hopping on this podcast today.
Stacey Harris [00:02:23] I'm so excited to be here. Really looking forward to it.
Jessica Honegger [00:02:27] OK, so I had someone walk up to me the other day at church and she said, Are you a high D and high I?
Stacey Harris [00:02:35] Oh my gosh.
Jessica Honegger [00:02:37] And I OK. You have done trainings for Noonday Collection. You've done trainings for our ambassador conferences. And yet I still have not wrapped my mind fully around the DiSC assessment. Maybe I just got way too into the any agreement. But I did have this moment today where I was coaching our ambassadors on how to create a connection in order to invite someone to gather their friends and shop for Noonday. And I was coaching them and I just said, like, Hey, don't say, Do you want to host a trunk show? You know, like that that makes it about you, really, you know, like, let's think about who the person is. What are her interests? Maybe she has a heart for Haiti. And really, that would mean a lot for her to get to do something for Haiti right now. Or maybe you've noticed this really great necklace she wears. It would be great for layering. She could get free stuff and I do this whole thing. And then I realized this morning someone texted me it was like, Oh my gosh, I love your new collection. And the here is exactly what I said you should host a trunk show. And I was like, Oh my gosh, I'm high D, high I! OK? What's so powerful about even this entire podcast series is it's about awareness. Yeah. And once we have awareness, it creates choice and without awareness, we don't have choice. And so here we are today talking about DiSC. So I need you to give us the 101 on what is the DiSC assessment.
Stacey Harris [00:04:12] I would love to. So first of all, I love the enneagram as well. And they're really, they're similar in nature, but they actually measure two different things. So DiSC measures human behavior. It's not a personality assessment. Some people confuse it with a personality profile, but it's actually just measuring human behavior. And that's how we communicate. So your example of host a trunk show? Yes, you were being very direct in your communication. And so that's what I love about DiSC, because you can coach someone to actually learn how to adapt and change based on the person that you're talking to. And so that's all it is. [00:04:54] It's just a tool that tells you how you prefer to communicate, it gives you tendencies and preferences. And then when you learn the language, you can actually identify other people's styles based on observation. It's an observable language. You don't even really have to talk to someone. You can just sit and look at them, observe them, their body language, their tone of voice, what they're wearing, how they're sitting. I mean, there's so many little clues that we all have that can help you. [32.7s] I mean, you're not going to get an exact DiSC graph in your head, but enough where you can start flexing and adapting your style and your communication so that you're actually connecting with the person rather than turning them off. So that's really what it's all about.
Jessica Honegger [00:05:42] OK, so let's go through it. DiSC is D.I.S.C, so go let's go through each letter. What is it? What does it mean and how? I would love for you, just for our listener, for them to be able to kind of start self-identifying as you're talking, even before they they take the free assessment. Yes, you are offering everyone.
Stacey Harris [00:06:02] Love to. [00:06:02]So there's four continuums and the first one is how you handle problems and challenges and you can fall on one end, that's the direct we kind of think of dominant, more decisive person or the other end of that continuum is someone who is very reflective and you're more reserved and so you can be anywhere along that continuum. So that's how you handle problems and challenges. The next continuum is how you actually interact with people and contacts. So we talk about that influence continuum. So you're outgoing or that high on one end. And then the other end is that reserved person who would rather not talk to anyone. They would rather work alone. The next continuum is steadiness, and that's how you handle the pace and consistency of the work environment. So are you that steady, stable person or are you someone who is dynamic and likes to do something different all day, every day? And then the last one is the compliance continuum is about responding to procedures and constraints. So we have someone who's very precise on one end of that. They're compliant, they're conscientious, all those C words and then the other end is someone who's pioneering and they want to actually break the rules and do things outside of the box instead of following those rules. [83.0s] So four continuums, but then kind of eight ways to even break that down. But we usually just talk about kind of the dominance influence, steadiness compliance for the DiSC model, the acronym.
Jessica Honegger [00:07:38] And so how does that work, like if you are high in one, does that automatically mean that you're low in another
Stacey Harris [00:07:44] so you can actually be highs and lows and all of them. I mean, not all at the same time, obviously, but behavior is situational. And so they all work together, honestly. And so that's what I love about the model. You're not just one letter or a couple of letters, you're really a fluid flow of all four continuums. And it is very situational. And so when we can learn how to flex and we understand this is the person I'm communicating with, man I need to pick up the pace and get to the bottom line and focus on that, you know, just high level. Or I need to slow down and I need to relax and I need to actually kind of mirror their pace and start asking some really personal questions. So that's the way you can apply the language as well.
Jessica Honegger [00:08:32] OK, so why does this matter? Because I want you to sell this person out because you have worked 30 years in this assessment. You have trained huge corporations. You've I know you've seen this transform teams. Absolutely. Why does this matter and how could this help our listener?
Stacey Harris [00:08:50] Absolutely. So when you understand your preferences and your tendencies, that self-awareness is huge. And if you think about how you communicate that every single relationship, that's your spouse, that your children, your significant other, your coworkers, your siblings, your friends, I mean, every relationship is based around communication and how many times in a day do we have miscommunication happening? [00:09:18]But I'd say the beauty of this tool is, OK, I know who I am. I understand who you are. And now I can connect. [7.7s] And so last night, I went to dinner with this client and I'm sitting next to a gentleman who's very different than me and I know his style. And so he was this very steady, kind of easy pace, consistent style. And so I didn't jump in with, Hey, how's it go? Tell me all the things. I just patiently would wait. Also, because he takes time to process information, and I'm a talker and I like to fill in the gaps. And so there was a lot of silence, but we connected and I learned about his family, and he loves to hunt and fish. You know, just different things like that. But I was literally using the language and connecting in a way that's different for me. And I probably if I didn't know the language, I would have turned to the other side of the table because it was the high I outgoing having a lot of fun end of the table that I was in the middle, you know, so it kind of split my time back and forth, but that's how you can use it and really start connecting on a personal level.
Jessica Honegger [00:10:32] OK, let's talk a little bit about how you have been still continuing to train. But now to your point, we've been often behind screens and for better or for worse. This is how I mean my office is still not meeting in person. So how have you been able to kind of translate or use the DiSC in this new environment that we're in?
Stacey Harris [00:10:56] Absolutely. So yeah, technology, man, I'm super thankful for it, honestly. But also it's been challenging. I mean, as a virtual trainer, when you're used to seeing people and connecting and all now you see are these little bitty windows of, you know, a person. I mean, I've done so much virtual training I've certified people for DiSC. I've done so much work in companies. And so, yeah, it's been hard, but we've had some fun exercises that we do breakout rooms for different behavioral styles. We've done all kinds of things with even just changing your name on your screen, your screen name to a descriptor of your behavioral style. And we do all kinds of exercises like that to keep it engaged and active on the virtual sessions.
Jessica Honegger [00:11:50] What do you think it is about this assessment that makes it especially helpful in the workplace environment?
Stacey Harris [00:11:56] It's so practical, and it's all observable behavior. So you know this about your coworkers already. It's nothing, there's actually really nothing in the report that you can't observe. We're just giving you common language and then helping you with tendencies and preferences and kind of helping you classify the different styles. So that it's appropriate for you to be able to use in communication. But I think that's one of the ways that it's really been helpful.
Jessica Honegger [00:12:27] OK, let's switch gears. I want to talk about EQ emotional intelligence. I feel like this has been a buzzword over the last few years. And you know, you hear this a lot also in the corporate world. Tell us what is emotional intelligence and it sometimes it feels like it can be one of those things that you either are or you aren't, but that's actually not true. So it what is it and how do we become more emotionally intelligent people?
Stacey Harris [00:12:55] Yeah. So EQ stands for emotional quotient, and that's the measurement of emotional intelligence. And some people say EI. But actually, IQ is the measurement of emotional intelligence. So that's just the differentiating factor between EI and EQ. They're kind of synonymous, but [00:13:13]basically emotional intelligence is just that ability to recognize and kind of understand emotions and then how to use them to facilitate levels of collaboration and to actually increase productivity. So that's why it's a buzz word in business because it's directly related to collaboration and productivity. [20.6s]
Jessica Honegger [00:13:35] So how do you actually measure it? I mean, I know that there is a tool. Yeah, but what makes what makes a person emotionally intelligent?
Stacey Harris [00:13:44] Yeah. So it's all based on Amanda and Daniel Goldman's model. And so there's five aspects of IQ that we're measuring in the assessment. [00:13:52]And so it's self-awareness is the first aspect of EQ that we're talking about. So I love this series of know thyself because it all starts with self-awareness. And then the next aspect of EQ is self-regulation, which is that ability to kind of control or redirect those impulsive emotions and even that ability to kind of suspend judgment, basically to think before you act, which some of us open our mouths and say things before we actually engage our brain. And we talk a lot about brain science and how our brains are wired. And so the third piece of IQ is motivation, which is just that passion to go beyond where the paycheck basically to go beyond those external things and really kind of dig deep internally and then social awareness and social regulation, which is the ability to understand the emotional makeup of other people of your team, your colleagues at work, and how your words and actions affect them, and then how to regulate those emotions and even build networks and relationships. [64.3s]
Jessica Honegger [00:14:58] I'd love for you to go through each one of those and give some tips and tricks, then to how to actually grow more intelligent in each of those areas.
Stacey Harris [00:15:07] Yeah, that's great. So as for self-awareness, it starts with really just being able to name your emotions. And I actually just did a podcast series on each one of these. And so I did a whole episode on self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation on our Help for Leaders podcast. And so I go through self-awareness and I even talk about when I was learning self-awareness years ago, I used to set alarms on my phone, different times of the day, and I had a notebook and I would just write down what I was feeling, what I was experiencing at that moment. And that's all I did. And then I just went back right back to what I was doing. And after a couple of weeks of just collecting data, I just sat and looked at all of these emotions, different times of day, and I kind of started noticing some trends. I'm really productive in the mornings. I feel really great in the mornings, even though I don't really consider myself a morning person. But then mid-afternoon I would start having these slumps and I would just not be very happy. And I was like, What's going on? Is it blood sugar? Is it all the things? But that's what self-awareness with emotions is, is being able to actually understand physiologically what is going on. Why? Why are these butterflies in my stomach? Why are my palms sweating? So many times we think, Oh, it's anxiety. It's fear, maybe it's excitement. Maybe it's another emotion that actually manifests itself in our bodies the same way. So being able to understand all of that is the first part of self-awareness.
Jessica Honegger [00:16:36] So which is really about a posture of curiosity, like you got to learn how to pay attention, first of all. Yep, pause, pay attention and get curious. That is sort of how you even become self aware. And if you are not willing, you know, or don't kind of get some sort of up call in life to do those things, then you actually could end up in a hurting a lot of people.
Stacey Harris [00:17:00] Absolutely. Absolutely. Because the aspect of EQ that we haven't talked about is it builds on each other. So self-awareness is where you start and if you yeah. And if you don't have a good foundation, then you can't regulate those emotions. You can't be motivate all of those things. Just don't happen at the rate they can, because guess what, [00:17:22]EQ is not set in stone at any stage of life, it's not like our IQ that's kind of set when we're young. EQ actually can be learned and developed at any stage of life. [11.4s] And so I love that. I mean, even sometimes I think about our children, you know, their brains aren't fully developed, you know, until I think the age is actually twenty five now when they're.
Jessica Honegger [00:17:45] Yes, I do that. I my I'm raising teens and you know, you're raising young adults.
Stacey Harris [00:17:50] Yes, yes, yes. And so but they can continue. That gives me hope, sometimes right for my children. I'm like, Oh, that's why you just made that decision, because your brain isn't fully developed but the self-awareness, they're growing and learning in that. But even as adults, we can absolutely do things to learn and grow. And just that peace of curiosity, understanding what's going on physiologically, what you're experiencing is really step number one.
Jessica Honegger [00:18:19] OK, next one self-regulation.
Stacey Harris [00:18:23] Oh my. And this one, honestly, as a nation, I'd say we score the lowest
Jessica Honegger [00:18:28] well, and I would say, you know, because of our communication medium, which really because we score the lowest on regulation, it really just shows how deeply lacking in self-awareness we are. Because what I hear, you know, I get my DMs don't get too bad. I actually had a follower last week kind of spout off a DM to me around something and then she came back around. But so by the time I had even looked at my DMs, she had made it obviously an impulsive reply to something and then realize became self-aware and said, Wow, that really wasn't my judgment call to make. And I was like, Oh, you're an emotionally intelligent person, you know, because you realized that it's not my business. And so, you know, I do. I do think we're very highly unregulated when it comes to how we respond online to one another. But really, that just means we're not even aware that we're being that way, which is why I'm doing this entire series know thyself because I'm like, Come on, people like the first step is like awareness. And I even had when I was telling people I was doing this series, I had someone say, Well, why does self-awareness matter? I think maybe sometimes for people of faith of yourself and they automatically think selfish or navel gazing or whatever. And it's like, this is all about how we can learn to be better human beings so that we can show up and be experienced in a way that is loving and life giving and listening and curious how to be a non-anxious presence in the world. And if you cannot be self-aware first, then you are going to wind up having a negative impact on other people. I mean, that is just what will happen. So it's just so fitting to me that the first step, so if I were looking at this, so if you actually get into this assessment, you're saying that it really is a step like it's a pyramid, it is OK. So that bottom of the pyramid, first of all, is self awareness. But next, it's like, what do you do with that self-awareness? So now I'm from me. I can be, yeah, I can be very aware that I have a temper. But the regulation part is a little bit tough.
Stacey Harris [00:20:42] Absolutely. It's the hardest for all of us, but I mean, some, it's some of the simplest things, honestly. I mean, understanding what triggers you, that's part of self-awareness. But then, OK, the biggest thing I teach people is just keep your mouth closed if you can hold on. [00:21:00]I mean, it takes six seconds for our central nervous system to actually absorb emotions once we, you know, feel them. And so if we can pause which sometimes that six seconds feels like an eternity before we actually open our mouths, that actually helps our brains reengage the prefrontal cortex so that we can then speak out of logic instead of out of emotions because emotions. They're great data. They're telling us something. But we should not lead with those emotions. They're terrible leaders, but they're really great indicators that something's going on. [36.3s] And so for regulation, maybe it's removing yourself from the situation, you know, just like, let's I need to take a time out. I need my self needs a time out. You know, exercise is a great way to regulate, to go for a walk. Listening to music can also be really powerful in helping you calm down. I know someone that actually had a recording on his phone of his son when he was very little saying, I love you, daddy in that little baby voice. And he was an executive, he said. I could be in a meeting where things are all hell breaks loose and all I have to do is step away. Listen to that and it grounds me and it brings me back to what is most important instead of sometimes we're just focused on what's right in front of us instead of really pulling back. So those are just some ways that you can regulate, but that free tool that we're offering actually gives you like six bullet points or so to actually start doing some things on your own for regulating. Motivation is the third one, and I'll tell you, this is the one for me personally that I think I felt the most in the last year and a half. Because I mean, I'm an enneagram three. I love to get things done. I am of achieving those goals and I run marathons I've done or half marathon. I've done many things and I love to exercise. But man, two or three months into 2020 and I was like, I think I've put on 10 pounds and why do I keep going to the kitchen? I've worked from home for twenty five years, so there was nothing new for me in that. But here I am. You know, stress, eating bored, whatever. I don't know. [00:23:20]But motivation is that that digging deep. Why do we do what we do? And so goal setting obviously is huge and writing down specific goals with target dates and then revisiting them regularly. [14.7s] And I mean, I was just talking about physical things, but it can be for your business. It can be, you know, even family goals. What are those specific things that you want to achieve? And then writing them down, like I said, with target dates, revisiting it regularly to make sure that you're on track and achieving those things can be really helpful posting them around in different places so that you see them every day. Having a mentor can be something that's really helpful and just that encouragement to keep you on track as well.
Jessica Honegger [00:24:07] Well, in I mean, gosh, this is I feel like this is my primary job at Noonday is to motivate other people. And what I talk about a lot is setting up that environment that is in alignment with your motivation because you might say, Well, I'm motivated to drink water. But if you don't have a water bottle that's filled in the morning, that's kind of beside you all day, then the likelihood of you achieving that goal is going to be less. If you say, I don't want to eat sugar, but you're you got the ice cream, you got the cereal, I have the whatever, and that is going to be very hard for that motivation. You know, it's the whole idea that willpower doesn't work, but setting up an environment that's in alignment with our goals does. I'm constantly talking to my kids about this, so I love that, you know, motivation. OK, what's the fourth?
Stacey Harris [00:25:02] Yeah. So the fourth one is social awareness. So that's that ability to understand the emotional makeup of other people. And I like to tell people, Hey, be the thermostat, not the thermometer. So when you walk into the room, you have the ability with your body language, with your tone of voice to actually set the mood, set the tone. And so social awareness is being able to pick up on those small, subtle clues. And some people are really great at it. And then some are just oblivious. They just don't see, you know, the little eye roll or the body language and the shoulder shrug or the sigh that deep sigh. And so it's really just being super aware of those emotional cues that other people are exhibiting and then you being able to regulate, which is the next aspect. [00:25:53]So that social awareness part is just that ability to understand the emotional makeup and the emotional cues of other people and really helping to gauge that with your own body language, tone of voice communication to help others. [13.0s] And then the main thing is regulation, which is all about, you know, when there are setbacks, when there are obstacles because we face those good grief, we're facing a lot of those in this season. And so being able to help others emotionally with your own optimism, all those things that you were just talking about with your children and then even giving feedback to people in a really healthy way of creating that positive environment can really help in networking and building those relationships.
Jessica Honegger [00:26:40] I find a phrase sometimes if I'm noticing something you say, Hey, I'm kind of experiencing this for me right now is, is that accurate? And just kind of having that posture of curiosity again, it's like starting with curiosity, ending with curiosity.
Stacey Harris [00:26:53] Yes, I love that conversation.
Jessica Honegger [00:26:55] about being curious about ourselves. But I think that is as we posture a posture of curiosity towards ourselves that we naturally will become more curious about others as well. Instead of jumping to judgments or instead of, you know, telling ourselves a story about their body language because I know I can have those social cues, but then sometimes I'll just begin to tell myself the story and kind of try to feel my way through this situation instead of kind of getting curious, yes,
Stacey Harris [00:27:23] I ask the questions, you know questions. Yeah. So good. [00:27:27]Yes, because you're right, we can make up a story. And many times we fill in the blanks incorrectly. And so being curious, asking those questions. And that's just the beginning of starting that conversation. And I will tell you if we could do that more often, I'm telling you we could decrease conflict in our families in the workplace and so many relationships because we misread, we misinterpret, we say something. [28.8s] And instead of being curious and just asking, Hey, what did you mean this like, this is what I heard. This is what I experienced and giving them that opportunity to clarify. Many times, like 85 percent of the time, I think what I have coached and worked with clients when they go back and ask those questions, it resolves the problem. You know that conflict. It doesn't even have to grow. It's like, Oh, I was so wrong. This was not at all the circumstance and situation. And then emotions really come down. You can engage your prefrontal cortex again, the logic piece of your brain and have a conversation instead of reacting instead of, I always say, respond. Don't react. Respond. Don't react.
Jessica Honegger [00:28:43] Gosh, better respond. We got to have that first, that first place of awareness. Yes. Wow. This is so helpful. We have got tools that we are going to offer our Going Scared listeners. We're going to be telling you all about that. Stacey, you have a podcast Help for Leaders and that can be found wherever podcasts are played and anything else your website.
Stacey Harris [00:29:07] Yeah, we're also on YouTube so they can search Help for Leaders. All of our podcasts are recorded as well. So if you're a visual learner, you can go watch that. We're also on Instagram @helpforleaders. You can subscribe there. We're posting. Or you don't subscribe. Listen to me. I'm new to social media. Let me just say this, Jessica. I have been doing this for 30 years, worked with huge companies. But I will say the last year and a half has given me time to do some things that I never thought I would do. So yes, I am brand new on social media, so go follow me on Help for Leaders. I think that's what you do, right? When you were saying DMs, I was in my mind going direct message. That's how I mean, I'm aging myself and it took me a minute to get where you were going with.
Jessica Honegger [00:29:53] It just makes you a sage which is who we are having on this series, so we love having a sage on. Thank you so much, Stacey.
Stacey Harris [00:30:03] Yes, thank you for having me. It's been a joy.
Jessica Honegger [00:30:11] DiSC and EQ. That's right, the enneagram is not the only personality assessment out there, Stacey is being super generous and is offering us links to these tests that usually cost money. So if you are interested in taking that, you need to go on over to JessicaHonegger.com, subscribe to my email list, or you can also go to my Instagram and sign up for my email list there. We will be sending out those links in a couple of weeks. Thanks so much for tuning in today. Today's show, our music is by Ellie Holcomb and I'm Jessica Honegger until next time. Let's take each other by the hand and keep going scared.